having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize