I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
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He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
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You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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