it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
