I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
