The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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