its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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