so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
