We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
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He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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