sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
