my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
