Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize