I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize