I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
