There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
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the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
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There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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