its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
