I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
