I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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