i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
