her vagine was all disorganized.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
