I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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