Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
