i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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