There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
