if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize