Just fell off a train. Bad.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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