also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
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