What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
