my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Randomize
