Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
