You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
