my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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