what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Randomize
