I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
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