weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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