Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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