Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
