what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
