tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
