girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
