does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
