how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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