porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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