I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
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