i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Randomize
