So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
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My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
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Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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