I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Randomize
