I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
