Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
