you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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