Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
