so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
