Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
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Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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