I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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