Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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