It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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