butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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