Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
