SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
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