Do you still have your period?
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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