Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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